Dealing with a Break Up

I've never been one to focus too much on relationships. However I very recently (it'll probably be less so by the time my lazy ass gets round to publishing this but it's been about five days since writing this) went through a break up. I'm going to stay true to my word and discuss it in as little detail as possible. All that's worth saying, really, is that it lasted eight months and was pretty sudden and, therefore unexpected (though not a surprise). It was sudden, so I've been doing a lot of thinking and have had many a revelation that has been useful to me and,  at least I'm hoping, useful to anyone who reads this. I'm pleased to say that I'm I handled the whole thing extremely well- I actually impressed myself. In a bid to tie up any remaining loose ends I'm going to outline some of the things I did and things I learnt from it all (because while in some ways I feel like I wasted my time I also gained a vast amount of insight and actually- surprisingly- learnt a fair bit about myself) so I can finish with it all and move onto the more pressing concerns in my life.

1) Give yourself time to think and reflect. You've got a lot to process, so it's vital that you give yourself the time and space you need to process.

2) Write things down. This is something that has been infinitely useful in helping me make sense of everything. Firstly, it meant that I avoided overthinking and helped break the cycle of thinking the same thoughts over and over, which makes processing everything much more effective. It also makes things a bit more pleasant for you- overthinking is pretty damn stressful! It really helps to make sense of your thoughts. Once I understood my feelings thoroughly I realised things weren't actually working on my end at all either (which I did know, but I didn't know), and the majority of the 'good' things I felt actually originated from a semi-idealised concept I'd constructed in my head. I don't exactly know if that makes sense put so vaguely but I'm not going to elaborate as I said I'd rather not discuss the intricacies of the relationship. I feel so much better now that I understand everything.

3) ...orrr find something that works for you. I realise not everyone will benefit from writing things down. I guess it's a case of trial and error but, honestly, if there's anything that makes it you feel better grab onto it. I actually didn't think I'd be writing my feelings down to the extent I did but it was so beneficial and majorly sped everything up for me, which is the intention!

4) Make sure you give yourself time to process. Rebounding is tempting- you want to find someone else to fill the hole this person has left (though I wouldn't say this was entirely true for me, though it's not exactly untrue either). It's not a healthy way to get over someone- you'll only end up repressing your pain which will either come back to bite you in the arse in the future or it'll take its toll on you in other unconscious ways.

5) Identify things you can improve on. I wouldn't really say this is a necessity, but I found that there were several flaws I managed to identify on my end that I could really work on, such as not knowing where we stood and not expressing. my concerns or the things that made me unhappy. These are flaws that extend beyond the context of a relationship, so working on improving them would mean I benefit in many other areas in my life. There's also the things I can take to other relationships- one on the biggest mistakes I made was not asking him where he thought it was going much earlier on. It would have saved me a lot of anxiety as it would have made communication easier for me. I might have had a better idea that this was coming, saving me a fair bit of time and energy. I'll definitely be doing that next time!

6) Identify things you've learnt. You've put time and effort into someone only for it to be thrown away. Inevitably it will feel like you've wasted your time, but every experience is a learning curve so there I'm sure there will be a lot you've learnt about yourself from this relationship. In my case, I found I was far more resilient than I ever could have imagined. Previously I might have crumbled in a similar situation but this time I didn't even shed a damn tear. I'm actually pretty impressed with myself over that! I also learnt how to deal with the situation effectively in order to minimise any negative feelings (I don't have time to indulge in them, I have more important stuff to get on with)

7) It's almost inevitable you'll feel at least a little sad. This is pretty difficult to deal with as it really varies depending on the nature of both the relationship and the break up. I knew I'd move on pretty quickly as it hadn't been a particularly long relationship, nor did we see a lot of each other. I guess it's really a case of what works for you as an individual. I found it helpful to dissect my feelings. I realised a lot of what I thought I missed I could very easily find in another person, which pretty much immediately made these feelings transient and superficial and, subsequently, less painful. However, I realise this won't be effective for everyone, especially if you had a closer relationship with more genuine feelings.

8) Don't waste time dwelling or wallowing. You need the time to get over it and to find way to deal with the pain but wallowing only fuels the fire, which is not helpful at all. As disheartening as it might feel, you have to accept it's over- you'll be better for it! Plus they're not worth the wasted time anyway haha.

9) Figure out what you want from future relationships. I've learnt a lot from what was lacking in the relationship. In hindsight I was pretty dissatisfied and as much as I'd hoped that which made me dissatisfied would change, or could be improved upon it's very likely that it would have. it's better for one to find someone who offers them what they want going into it rather than hoping for change that likely won't happen. Knowing what you want going into the relationship helps you decide early on whether the person is the right person to forge a long term relationship with, saving both of y'all time and effort. To elaborate, I discovered that the guy I was seeing didn't know what he wanted in a relationship, which is provoked this epiphany (if you can call it that haha!) on my end. Had he known what he wanted he might have known that I wasn't right early on, saving a hell of a lot of trouble. Had I thought about what I wanted earlier on I would have walked away sooner.

10) Enjoy being single and make sure you're in the right place when you next decide to look for a relationship. It's great to be happy in a relationship but depending on another person almost entirely for your happiness is very dangerous- when they walk away they take your happiness with you. You need to be able to depend on yourself for your own happiness before you allow someone else into your life. I believe this is common sense, but I feel it's still something people forget, so I'm gonna chuck it out there as a friendly reminder. Also, your personal issues can become major obstacles. I became acutely aware of my own self esteem issues and that they had a bit of an impact on the way I allowed myself to be treated (I mean, the guy forgot my damn birthday and I didn't call him out on it until the break up. I was pretty badass in that moment, I wish I'd been like that throughout!). I realised I was doing myself a disservice and I actually had a hell of a lot to offer in a relationship- I just need to get to a place where I genuinely believe it, which I'm damn well going to work on! Also, even the most low maintenance of relationships involve some compromise and some loss of time, so enjoy having all the time to focus on yourself! It's pretty awesome being able to focus entirely on yourself when you think about it.

Anyway, I'm done thinking about relationships for the near future! This is super, super long. I didn't really want it to get this text heavy because it makes it more difficult to read but in this case I had things I wanted to work out and so I let myself get carried away. However, since it is pretty ramble-y I've bolded parts of the text that I think are more useful and are more generally applicable to most people.
This was the final thing I needed to do to put it all to rest- I'm pleased to say that within a week I've pretty much entirely moved on and I'm ready to start work on myself (as cringe and cliche as it sounds, I really can't think of another way to phrase it, unfortunately.) I'm planning on using this blog as one of my many tools in doing so. Just a heads up. I have no firm idea of what that entails at this point, so I guess we'll see where it all goes!
If you're struggling with a break up or you're having relationship issues and want someone to rant to my Twitter is @amandamd25 and Instagram is @amandamaria_9

Cosy Autumn

The autumn season is upon us! Personally, I'm very fond of autumn- it's my favourite season. However, my mental health is prone to taking a bit of a dip, which makes it a little shit. So if you feel a bit mis with the darkness and cold weather, or, like me, your mental health takes a bit of a dip here are a few things that I like about the season/ a few things to make it a bit nicer and cosier.

• Spiced scented candles.  Definitely a necessity given the perpetual darkness. Plus they smell divine, like all the best parts of autumn
• Big comfy jumpers. They look cute, they keep you warm, they're comfy... basically the full package!
• Autumn fashion is so versatile- definitely take advantage of this. My go to is a cardigan/jumper, blanket scarf, leggings, knee high socks and boots (usually my Doc Martens, though they did recently tear up my heels so I'm going a little easy on them)
• Speaking of blanket scarves I definitely recommend investing in one if you can. I mean, it's a scarf that can also be used as a blanket, you just can't go wrong
• That brings me to blankets in general. Necessity for warm cosiness, and a perfect accompaniment for all your favourite hobbies (especially those Netflix binges! Idk if Netflix binges technically count as a hobby but y'know, they should). You can get pretty cheap but still super soft and comfy blankets from Primark
• Flavoured lattes/hot chocolate. Because they're warm, decadent and yummy, everything you need in autumn. Top with lashings of whipped cream and marshmallows if you're feeling particularly devilish. I would.
• Anything cinnamon. Actually, I'd recommend cinnamon anytime of the year, but it is particularly autumnal. It's also a nice reminder that Christmas is just around the corner!
• Calm, reflective walks taking in the beauty of the vivid leave colours before the world shrivels up and dies in the bleak winter. Sorry for getting a bit morbid there. 
• Or, if you're lazy, a nice drive through the autumn foliage. Drive into uni and the autumn scenery is stunning, it would make for some amazing photos. 
• Make an autumn inspired Pinterest board. There are some very pretty pictures on there, it's nice to flick onto my board and look at them
• Bake some tasty autumnal treats. I recently experimented with some spiced chocolate chip cookies and, while they came out like rocks the flavours were so good. Tbh it's just an excuse to bake some more in order to effect my recipe. 
• If you can, get a log fire going. I've never done this but it looks like a great way of enjoying the outdoors in the freezing cold. Plus you can make s'mores.
• Fairy iights. Just a little magical when everything is dark and often quite miserable. Fairy lights look way prettier in the dark, so autumn is really the best time for them!
• Get yourself a super comfy pair of pyjamas. And a dressing gown. It'll make waking up early to a cold morning just a little bit more bearable. 
• Make time to read a good book. I advocate reading a good book all year round, but there's a particular charm about curling up with some blankets, a yummy hot drink and getting lost in a book. A massive cliche, I know, but I guess it exists for a reason- it really does make for an excellent autumn pass time! 

I'm gonna end this post here. I feel like the quality's been compromised as part of the original post got deleted and I had to rush to get it finished so I could get it published while it's still autumn (because then otherwise what would be the point?). Anyway, these are things that I find nice about the season and make help lift my mood when it dips. Autumn can often seem bleak and dreary- the sun has disappeared, it's often rainy and grey- so it's nice to remind yourself of all the wonderful part of autumn! I'll leave you with a few nice shots of autumn, enjoy!

Quick, cheap and easy ways to decorate your room

Over the last few weeks I've spent a lot of time giving my room a really good clean and declutter. Alongside this, I thought it might be nice to shake things up a bit and do my room up a little. I'd redesigned and redecorated about six-seven years ago and I'm happy with the whole thing so I didn't think a huge change was in order (plus there's the expense to consider!). I did, however, think it might be nice just to change things around and add a few things in order to create a new, nice atmosphere. I like the idea of decorating, so I thought it'd be nice to share a few ideas that can really make a difference to a room.

• Fairy lights. I'm a huge advocate of fairy lights- they can make even the most basic of rooms look absolutely stunning. I also find they make a place feel more comfortable and homely. I always feel at ease when surrounded by fairy lights!
• Other mood lighting- other mood lights have a very similar effect to fairy lights. I have colour changing candles, a lava lamp and a star projector (which is exactly what it sounds like). 
• Decide on a colour scheme and try and pick out decor that fits with the colour scheme. I personally think an evident colour scheme is very striking. Mine is largely black and white, with a splash of hot pink.
• Curtains can make a huge difference, so take some time to choose some nice ones.
• The same goes for bedding, though this I probably a bit more obvious. 
• DIY. If you're creative, pick up some cheap things (or even sift through any junk you have lying around your house that might be appropriate), break out your craft tools and transform it into something amazing. It's time consuming but well worth it, especially as it means you get something that looks exactly how you want it to look.
• Cushions/blankets/throws can really add something to a room, though I feel like this goes without saying.
• Candles not only look very pretty both lit and not, if they're scented that can really help make your room feel super comfy.
• Wall decorations like canvases and framed prints/posters (unframed looks less neat) can make a huge difference, though too many might be overkill.
• Aesthetically pleasing storage can kill two birds with one stone- making your room look neater (and, therefore, generally nicer) as well as contributing to it looking pretty.
• Keeping clutter to a minimum helps bring out the best decorative elements in your room.
• Making your bed has the same effect
• If your carpet/flooring is not the most pleasant thing to look at (like mine) a rug can make a huge amount of difference. Actually, it still makes a significant difference if your flooring isn't awful.
• Maybe it's the book nerd in me but a well stacked, well organised book shelf is incredibly aesthetically appealing.
• Re-arranging furniture/possessions is incredibly simple but it's a nice change that can give your room a fresh feel.
• A decent speaker works similarly to a scented candle in decorating your room in a non visual way.

I feel like these tips are relatively obvious but, nevertheless, I hope they might help if you're stuck for ideas that aren't too drastic.
Here's a little peek at what my room looks like:

If you want a full look round my room here's a link to my room tour post: http://we-are-magnetic.blogspot.co.uk/2017/08/room-tour.html

Room Tour

I've managed to give my room a bit of a clean and I've changed things round a bit. In my opinion it looks pretty nice, nicer than previously. I am biased though. As a result I thought it might be nice to do a sort of room tour type thing (I guess its not a tour per se seeing as this is a typed post) and show you how I organise my space.

I last painted and restyled my room in 2010 and I'm pretty happy with it in that respect, so there really wasn't any need to make any drastic changes. I did feel like things didn't quite work in some respects, so I decided to work on carrying out these improvements, which included switching my desk and sofa round, moving my fairy lights as well as adding new ones and buying a new desk chair amongst other things. Anyway, I'll get on with showing off my room.

My bed is the centrepiece of the room, which is fitting considering how much time I spend in it. It's really pretty much the most important thing in here. I've had it a long time, it was bought all the way back when my room was decorated for the very first time when I was around six and I still shared a room with my sister (she has her own now, which was also recently re-decorated.) The sheets I have on it currently are from Asda- they're full cotton, which is good as my skin is very temperamental. I've hung some fairy lights around my bed (these used to be around my canvas, they're over three years old but still in very good shape), so I can use the light from them to read in the dark. I was fortunate enough to find some cheap adhesive hooks (99p- bargain!) which I've used to hold up the fairy lights. While they aren't quite camouflaged I think they actually look pretty nice, in a sort of metal, minimalistic way if that makes any sense! I also have a small table by my bed, which is useful for keeping my phone/drink/snack- all the important things.

My desk, which has been moved to the corner next to the window, is one that I got when I last re-docrated my room. I think it was from Argos, I'm not sure if they still sell them. I wouldn't be surprised if they do. I'm trying to keep my desk relatively clutter free as it gives me more space to work/do art but it would be a shame to let some of that surface are go to waste. I recently bought the rose gold basket from Primark for about £2-£3, with the intention of using it to store all my little bits and bobs that I use regularly in order to make things look a little more neat. The silver pot is also from Primark, I've used it to hold my pens and scissors. The other box is one that came with my fossil watch, and it contains all the small items that would fall through the holes of the bigger basket. I also have my speaker, a whiskey bottle which holds my colouring pencils, canvas I painted and a sea salt and lavender scented candle in a marble pot which I mostly bought because I thought the pot looked pretty, though it certainly doesn't smell terrible! The draws don't have much- more stationery, a range of notebooks and my more unsightly art tools. the chair is a recent addition which I purchased from Ikea for £15- I think it's simple but effective. The fact that it doesn't put a strain on the wallet also helps!

Next to my desk I have my canvas (I really like city skylines, especially at night), and some cool white lights draped over it. These are recent additions (purchased from Clas Olson) and I have to say, they're really good- nice and bright. The black cord makes for a nice contrast, too. I have my sofa bed beneath the canvas. It's just an old sofa which we've had probably from before I was born, it was added to my room when it was first done up. I liked having it there and have insisted on keeping it, so it's still here, fourteen years later. I've decorated it with a black throw and cushions ( which were bought for university, but I'm back now so they have a new home) and my Pusheen plush.

I added some hooks to my door as my bags often end up in a mess on the floor- they really need (well, needed) to be hung up. I liked these because you just hang them off your door, making them incredibly easy to add to your room. Plus they were cheap (£2 from Primark, who've excelled in terms of cheap and cheerful homeware products).

There isn't much to be said about my shelves, wardrobe and draws. I have two shelves that hold my book collection (and an Absolut bottle acting as. bookend), one for general beauty things, one for my art supplies, and some which hold miscellaneous items. My wardrobe and drawers are where I store my clothes.

This cupboard/drawer things (I really don't know what to call it) was preinstalled (i.e. it was in the house when we moved in), so there was already one desk in here, which I use as a sort of vanity area. I have some small black drawers which hold important things, a jewellery box which was a Christmas gift, some colour changing candles, a tea light holder (with a tea light in it) and my lava lamp, which is temporarily residing in the corner since I've just brought it back from university. It's also where my laptop sleeps at night. As there are so many cupboards in my room not all of them hold my possessions, or if they do they aren't terribly exciting (i.e. things like medication, university work, boxes, toiletries etc.) so I won't go into much detail about those.

Aaaand I think that's everything! I hoped you liked seeing my room! I've certainly enjoyed showing it!

My experiences on anxiety medication

I was honestly not sure whether I should make this post given the stigma against mental health, but then I decided that I should do it because of the stigma (which is completely unnecessary) against mental health, because keeping quiet about it suggests that there is something to be ashamed about, that it's a taboo topic that shouldn't be spoken about. I really don't want to perpetuate that, so I'm going to open about it, especially seeing as I'm pretty open about it in real life.

I know that everyone has a different experience on medications used to treat mental health conditions, so this likely won't reflect everyone's experience taking such medication, but I'd like to share how I've found it and the effects it has had on me so far, especially as they have been largely positive.

Just a bit of background info- I'm not sure how long I've suffered with anxiety-like symptoms but it's been a pretty long time (hence me not remembering). I'm not going to discuss my symptoms in this post because it would became way too long and ramble-y; I'm contemplating writing a separate post about it but it's a pretty personal topic and I'm not sure whether I want to be that honest. Anyway, in October 2016, having been encouraged by a wellbeing adviser (who was awesome, she helped me a lot during a very difficult period) at my university, I made an appointment with the GP on campus. I received a diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder, though I didn't receive any treatment for it. I struggled for a couple more months, and at the encouragement of the same wellbeing adviser I made an appointment with my GP at home, who prescribed me the medication.

I take an SSRI called Sertraline (50mg), it's commonly used to treat depression but can also be used to treat anxiety disorders too. I started taking it in December 2016. I have to say, so far my experience has been a pretty positive one. I'm not sure if I'll be saying this some time for now, especially when I'm off the medication, but at the moment I can say it's honestly helped me a lot!

I experienced a few unpleasant side effects in the first few days of taking it, including nausea, bad fatigue, and feeling very spaced out, almost as if I had been zombified. Though they made it pretty difficult to function, they cleared up within the space of a week, which is good. I have to say, though, side effects can vary greatly for different people and I think I might have gotten lucky with having them clear up so quickly. SSRIs have a cumulative effect, so the medicine doesn't work straight away. I started noticing an effect about 2-3 weeks into taking the medication, though I was told by my GP that it can take up to 6 weeks to work.

Having been on it for five months now I surprised and pleased at the difference it has made in terms of improving my symptoms and, as a result, my life as a whole. I've coped much better with university work, in fact while I normally would have been shaking with nerves for my exam I was unbelievably calm- I don't think I'd ever felt that calm in an exam situation before! When not overwhelmed by anxiety I was able to deal with the exam in a more rational manner, instead of seeing it as the end of the world. My driving has also improved vastly- I'm a much more confident driver and I've found I really enjoy it.

I know that taking medication is often frowned upon for whatever reason, but I'm so glad I've made the decision to take it as it has made such an impact and generally made my life so much more easy and pleasant. I guess I wanted to convey a good experience with taking medication to treat anxiety. Perhaps it would have been better for me to write this post having taken it for a longer period of time in case I'm not so positive about it in a few more months time, though I'll try and do a follow up post either when I come off this medication or if anything changes. All I have to say is that, so far, I'm not a drugged up zombie who's just a little slow and out of it, I'm better than I've ever been.

If you have any questions about my experiences feel free to comment or tweet me at @amandamd25

Study Tips

Study tips

At this moment many people will be taking exams or preparing to take exams. I’m lucky enough to not only have had one exam this year, but to have sat this exam, meaning I have a nice, long holiday to look forward to, which gives me plenty of time to dedicate to actually posting on this blog, seeing as I’ve really neglected it whilst at university.  I thought, considering the fact that it’s exam season, that it might be nice to share a few of the things that have made studying a bit easier for me in the hopes that it will make it might be helpful in making the period slightly less unpleasant. I would like to stress that these are things that have worked for me and, therefore, might not suit everyone- we’re all different after all!

1)    Find what works for you. I’ve basically already stated this, I just thought I should reiterate it. If something helps you absorb information better or gets you motivated enough to do some solid work note it down and incorporate it into your study routine.

2)    Find which times of the day work best for you and plan to do your work then. For me, I favoured 10:00am-1:00pm and 2:00pm to 6:00pm, with the hour between 1 and 2pm being my lunch break. I didn’t always stick to these timings exactly but I found I was most productive when I worked during these times.

3)    Find an environment that works well for you and pushes you to be productive. I usually work in my bed or at my desk, but I find my desk to be uncomfortable and my bed inconvenient which made me less motivated to work. I recently switched things up and tried working in the living room, and found I got a lot more work done.

This is where I did the majority of my work for my exams, just to give you a bit of an idea. I have to be honest, I reconstructed this for the photo afterwards, hence why it's a bit thin on the ground in terms of study materials. Also, there's no coffee in the mug.

4)    Music makes the atmosphere a lot more pleasant. I know a lot of people don’t like working with music because of distractions, but for me it’s like a compromise between work and entertainment, making revision just a little more relaxing and, therefore, bearable.

5)    Drinks and snacks help too. I guess this one is obvious. For me, it has the same effect as music, in terms of making the study session more pleasurable.

6)    Write things down. For me, writing things down keeps my brain stimulated and prevents it from wandering, helping me to stay focused on what I need to learn. The majority of the revision I did this year revolved around writing things down, but I got way more done as a result.

7)    Get creative. I personally value creativity highly, and I definitely think it makes revision easier to get into, though I understand that not everyone enjoys being creative as much as I do. If you like being creative, however, I definitely think you should play around with different creative techniques to help with your studying. Make your notes colourful, draw pictures to help memorise things, create posters etc., there are loads of things you could do. I actually feel like making a post about this!

8)    Attempt some past papers. There’s nothing like applying your knowledge to actual questions that have actually answered by other students. It gives you an idea of how much you know and if there are any gaps in your knowledge that you might want to fill. If you do essay subjects making essay plans is a quick and effective way of applying your knowledge to previous exam questions as essay writing is time consuming.

9)    Don’t revise for the sake of it. I guess the purpose of revision is to make sure you digest all the information you need and are able to apply it in the exam. If you’ve done enough you’ve done enough, there’s no point in pushing yourself to do more.
10) If you're flagging don't push yourself. Take a break and enjoy it. If nothing is going in you're not going to achieve much by staring aimlessly at your work, so you might as well do something that's not work-orientated, especially as it gives your mind the opportunity to rest and reset itself.
11) Don't feel guilty for taking a break. Maybe this is just me but anytime I'm not working I feel kind of guilty. However, this guilt isn't going to make up for the work you're not doing, and you ultimately end up wasting your break if you spend it worrying about the fact you're not working. 

I hope these tips are of some use. Again, as I said, different things work for different people and these are just things that work for me. If, by some miracle, you end up finding and even reading this post and decide to try any of this (if you don't already do it), or have some great tips of your own feel free to comment or tweet me at @amandamd25

Thoughts on 13 Reasons Why

I haven't posted anything for a v e r y long time, I'm sorry, university got in the way. I'v enow finished for the year, which I can't believe, and since I have. Avery long holiday I'm going to try my best to give this blog a bit of TLC, starting with this post. I thought it would be fair to warn anyone reading this that I will be discussing suicide in some depth so don't read on if this could affect you.

When I watched 13 Reasons Why I had no idea it was going to be as popular as it was. 13 Reasons Why is everywhere. It's been all over my Facebook, either with people liking memes or sharing articles written about it. in fact, the articles are numerous- the show has certainly made an impact and proved... controversial. I suppose this is understandable given the subject matter, a show which tackles suicide and its consequences in such a forward manner was probably never going to fly under the radar. I've decided to get in on the action and share a few of my own thoughts on the show, especially as I haven't seen too many people who reflect my thoughts.

I wanted to start off by saying that I really enjoyed the show. It's dramatic and fast paced and emotional, everything that makes for a captivating show. I acknowledge it has flaws. The one that stands out to me most prominently is that the show failed to effectively address the part mental health plays in suicide, and the fact that suicide is, most of the time, a fatal result of illnesses such as depression. Instead, it makes it seem like Hannah took her life solely because of the behaviour of others, and possibly even as an act of revenge in order to make those who humiliated and/or hurt her feel bad. I understand the sentiment behind this (which I'll discuss shortly), but this, in my opinion, increases the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, making it seem like mental illness and suicide are choices made by an individual.

However, I also understood what Hannah was going through, and how that could push someone towards committing suicide. I even got why it would motivate her to record the tapes. What seems to be lost in a lot of articles in which people share their views on the show is how it is possible that actions such as those of the recipients of the tapes (with the exception of Clay) can make you feel so awful about yourself that suicide actually seems like a viable option. If you're already predisposed to feeling worthless and hopeless (which, as I said, isn't captured in the show though it really should be, as far as I could see there was no evidence of Hannah having any such thoughts before everything happened, though maybe I just missed it) behaviour like that can add serious fuel to the fire- it provides justification for your thoughts. You must be worthless, because that's what other people are conveying through the way they treat you. It gives your negative thoughts evidence, which in turn allows them to take over and overwhelm you. These negative thoughts can then be used to justify committing suicide. I'm presuming that all of this is what Hannah experienced.

Also, while I agree that making the tapes in order to hold the individuals accountable is petty I also understand her motives for doing so- the immense anger and hurt she must have felt towards all those people for evoking these feelings within her, for robbing her of whatever happiness she might have had with their stupid actions. Again, I'm not saying it's not wrong of her to carry it out and force the recipients to shoulder the blame for killing her, but I get how anger towards them might have directed her to take revenge in the only way she felt she could in order to make up for her hurt.

The one thing I've learnt this year in my English degree is that even if a fictional piece aims to reflect real life it is, ultimately, fictitious and this should be taken into account. I feel this definitely applies to 13 Reasons Why- it may reflect a situation which is very real for many people but it's sole purpose isn't to educate- it's to entertain. I'd also like to stress that these are my own personal opinions based on experiences etc., and I don't take them to be facts in any way.