My experiences on anxiety medication

I was honestly not sure whether I should make this post given the stigma against mental health, but then I decided that I should do it because of the stigma (which is completely unnecessary) against mental health, because keeping quiet about it suggests that there is something to be ashamed about, that it's a taboo topic that shouldn't be spoken about. I really don't want to perpetuate that, so I'm going to open about it, especially seeing as I'm pretty open about it in real life.

I know that everyone has a different experience on medications used to treat mental health conditions, so this likely won't reflect everyone's experience taking such medication, but I'd like to share how I've found it and the effects it has had on me so far, especially as they have been largely positive.

Just a bit of background info- I'm not sure how long I've suffered with anxiety-like symptoms but it's been a pretty long time (hence me not remembering). I'm not going to discuss my symptoms in this post because it would became way too long and ramble-y; I'm contemplating writing a separate post about it but it's a pretty personal topic and I'm not sure whether I want to be that honest. Anyway, in October 2016, having been encouraged by a wellbeing adviser (who was awesome, she helped me a lot during a very difficult period) at my university, I made an appointment with the GP on campus. I received a diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder, though I didn't receive any treatment for it. I struggled for a couple more months, and at the encouragement of the same wellbeing adviser I made an appointment with my GP at home, who prescribed me the medication.

I take an SSRI called Sertraline (50mg), it's commonly used to treat depression but can also be used to treat anxiety disorders too. I started taking it in December 2016. I have to say, so far my experience has been a pretty positive one. I'm not sure if I'll be saying this some time for now, especially when I'm off the medication, but at the moment I can say it's honestly helped me a lot!

I experienced a few unpleasant side effects in the first few days of taking it, including nausea, bad fatigue, and feeling very spaced out, almost as if I had been zombified. Though they made it pretty difficult to function, they cleared up within the space of a week, which is good. I have to say, though, side effects can vary greatly for different people and I think I might have gotten lucky with having them clear up so quickly. SSRIs have a cumulative effect, so the medicine doesn't work straight away. I started noticing an effect about 2-3 weeks into taking the medication, though I was told by my GP that it can take up to 6 weeks to work.

Having been on it for five months now I surprised and pleased at the difference it has made in terms of improving my symptoms and, as a result, my life as a whole. I've coped much better with university work, in fact while I normally would have been shaking with nerves for my exam I was unbelievably calm- I don't think I'd ever felt that calm in an exam situation before! When not overwhelmed by anxiety I was able to deal with the exam in a more rational manner, instead of seeing it as the end of the world. My driving has also improved vastly- I'm a much more confident driver and I've found I really enjoy it.

I know that taking medication is often frowned upon for whatever reason, but I'm so glad I've made the decision to take it as it has made such an impact and generally made my life so much more easy and pleasant. I guess I wanted to convey a good experience with taking medication to treat anxiety. Perhaps it would have been better for me to write this post having taken it for a longer period of time in case I'm not so positive about it in a few more months time, though I'll try and do a follow up post either when I come off this medication or if anything changes. All I have to say is that, so far, I'm not a drugged up zombie who's just a little slow and out of it, I'm better than I've ever been.

If you have any questions about my experiences feel free to comment or tweet me at @amandamd25

Study Tips

Study tips

At this moment many people will be taking exams or preparing to take exams. I’m lucky enough to not only have had one exam this year, but to have sat this exam, meaning I have a nice, long holiday to look forward to, which gives me plenty of time to dedicate to actually posting on this blog, seeing as I’ve really neglected it whilst at university.  I thought, considering the fact that it’s exam season, that it might be nice to share a few of the things that have made studying a bit easier for me in the hopes that it will make it might be helpful in making the period slightly less unpleasant. I would like to stress that these are things that have worked for me and, therefore, might not suit everyone- we’re all different after all!

1)    Find what works for you. I’ve basically already stated this, I just thought I should reiterate it. If something helps you absorb information better or gets you motivated enough to do some solid work note it down and incorporate it into your study routine.

2)    Find which times of the day work best for you and plan to do your work then. For me, I favoured 10:00am-1:00pm and 2:00pm to 6:00pm, with the hour between 1 and 2pm being my lunch break. I didn’t always stick to these timings exactly but I found I was most productive when I worked during these times.

3)    Find an environment that works well for you and pushes you to be productive. I usually work in my bed or at my desk, but I find my desk to be uncomfortable and my bed inconvenient which made me less motivated to work. I recently switched things up and tried working in the living room, and found I got a lot more work done.

This is where I did the majority of my work for my exams, just to give you a bit of an idea. I have to be honest, I reconstructed this for the photo afterwards, hence why it's a bit thin on the ground in terms of study materials. Also, there's no coffee in the mug.

4)    Music makes the atmosphere a lot more pleasant. I know a lot of people don’t like working with music because of distractions, but for me it’s like a compromise between work and entertainment, making revision just a little more relaxing and, therefore, bearable.

5)    Drinks and snacks help too. I guess this one is obvious. For me, it has the same effect as music, in terms of making the study session more pleasurable.

6)    Write things down. For me, writing things down keeps my brain stimulated and prevents it from wandering, helping me to stay focused on what I need to learn. The majority of the revision I did this year revolved around writing things down, but I got way more done as a result.

7)    Get creative. I personally value creativity highly, and I definitely think it makes revision easier to get into, though I understand that not everyone enjoys being creative as much as I do. If you like being creative, however, I definitely think you should play around with different creative techniques to help with your studying. Make your notes colourful, draw pictures to help memorise things, create posters etc., there are loads of things you could do. I actually feel like making a post about this!

8)    Attempt some past papers. There’s nothing like applying your knowledge to actual questions that have actually answered by other students. It gives you an idea of how much you know and if there are any gaps in your knowledge that you might want to fill. If you do essay subjects making essay plans is a quick and effective way of applying your knowledge to previous exam questions as essay writing is time consuming.

9)    Don’t revise for the sake of it. I guess the purpose of revision is to make sure you digest all the information you need and are able to apply it in the exam. If you’ve done enough you’ve done enough, there’s no point in pushing yourself to do more.
10) If you're flagging don't push yourself. Take a break and enjoy it. If nothing is going in you're not going to achieve much by staring aimlessly at your work, so you might as well do something that's not work-orientated, especially as it gives your mind the opportunity to rest and reset itself.
11) Don't feel guilty for taking a break. Maybe this is just me but anytime I'm not working I feel kind of guilty. However, this guilt isn't going to make up for the work you're not doing, and you ultimately end up wasting your break if you spend it worrying about the fact you're not working. 

I hope these tips are of some use. Again, as I said, different things work for different people and these are just things that work for me. If, by some miracle, you end up finding and even reading this post and decide to try any of this (if you don't already do it), or have some great tips of your own feel free to comment or tweet me at @amandamd25

Thoughts on 13 Reasons Why

I haven't posted anything for a v e r y long time, I'm sorry, university got in the way. I'v enow finished for the year, which I can't believe, and since I have. Avery long holiday I'm going to try my best to give this blog a bit of TLC, starting with this post. I thought it would be fair to warn anyone reading this that I will be discussing suicide in some depth so don't read on if this could affect you.

When I watched 13 Reasons Why I had no idea it was going to be as popular as it was. 13 Reasons Why is everywhere. It's been all over my Facebook, either with people liking memes or sharing articles written about it. in fact, the articles are numerous- the show has certainly made an impact and proved... controversial. I suppose this is understandable given the subject matter, a show which tackles suicide and its consequences in such a forward manner was probably never going to fly under the radar. I've decided to get in on the action and share a few of my own thoughts on the show, especially as I haven't seen too many people who reflect my thoughts.

I wanted to start off by saying that I really enjoyed the show. It's dramatic and fast paced and emotional, everything that makes for a captivating show. I acknowledge it has flaws. The one that stands out to me most prominently is that the show failed to effectively address the part mental health plays in suicide, and the fact that suicide is, most of the time, a fatal result of illnesses such as depression. Instead, it makes it seem like Hannah took her life solely because of the behaviour of others, and possibly even as an act of revenge in order to make those who humiliated and/or hurt her feel bad. I understand the sentiment behind this (which I'll discuss shortly), but this, in my opinion, increases the stigma surrounding mental illnesses, making it seem like mental illness and suicide are choices made by an individual.

However, I also understood what Hannah was going through, and how that could push someone towards committing suicide. I even got why it would motivate her to record the tapes. What seems to be lost in a lot of articles in which people share their views on the show is how it is possible that actions such as those of the recipients of the tapes (with the exception of Clay) can make you feel so awful about yourself that suicide actually seems like a viable option. If you're already predisposed to feeling worthless and hopeless (which, as I said, isn't captured in the show though it really should be, as far as I could see there was no evidence of Hannah having any such thoughts before everything happened, though maybe I just missed it) behaviour like that can add serious fuel to the fire- it provides justification for your thoughts. You must be worthless, because that's what other people are conveying through the way they treat you. It gives your negative thoughts evidence, which in turn allows them to take over and overwhelm you. These negative thoughts can then be used to justify committing suicide. I'm presuming that all of this is what Hannah experienced.

Also, while I agree that making the tapes in order to hold the individuals accountable is petty I also understand her motives for doing so- the immense anger and hurt she must have felt towards all those people for evoking these feelings within her, for robbing her of whatever happiness she might have had with their stupid actions. Again, I'm not saying it's not wrong of her to carry it out and force the recipients to shoulder the blame for killing her, but I get how anger towards them might have directed her to take revenge in the only way she felt she could in order to make up for her hurt.

The one thing I've learnt this year in my English degree is that even if a fictional piece aims to reflect real life it is, ultimately, fictitious and this should be taken into account. I feel this definitely applies to 13 Reasons Why- it may reflect a situation which is very real for many people but it's sole purpose isn't to educate- it's to entertain. I'd also like to stress that these are my own personal opinions based on experiences etc., and I don't take them to be facts in any way.

Apology and Thoughts on Travel Writing

I want to start off with an apology for the lack of posts (and the delay with getting those I had written out). I started university (again) and things were very hectic. I'll most likely do a post on it at some point fully explaining everything that happened to make it so stressful. On top of the stress I also had a lot of essays to write so didn't feel like doing much more writing on top of that. I'll discuss this in more detail in another post, though. I'm going to try and make an effort to post more, though this is dependant on whether I can think of things to write about.

Anyway, onto discussing the travel writing. I definitely enjoyed it, it was fun reliving my holiday, and I think it will be great to look back on several years from now. I'd definitely do it regularly if I was able to afford to travel enough to write a regular travel blog. Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of money, nor do I have the time seeing as I have degree to focus on, so it's not something I'd be able to do regularly. However, when I do go away I will definitely be documenting it on my blog, it was really fun to write about! I'd maybe do a few things differently- I'd definitely take a few notes so I can remember what happened properly when it comes to writing it up, and I'd maybe format my posts differently so they're less text heavy and easier to follow. I'm looking forward to writing about my travels again- I just have to get something booked now!

Travel Diary: Day 7 At Sea

Today was our final day of our holiday, which, for me, was pretty sad. I always miss my holidays a little when they finish, wishing I was back having a great time and forgetting about all my worries and problems. As a result, I made sure that I made the most of this last day, and this included waking up a bit earlier so that I had a longer day (and also so that I could have my second last breakfast).

After several bacon and croissant sandwiches we got comfy and watched a movie in our stateroom. The movie we selected was called 'Unfriended,' a 'horror' movie about a group of friends who are tormented by what I guess was meant to be the spirit of a friend of theirs who committed suicide. I put horror in inverted commas for a reason- it was the furthest thing from scary. The plot was decent, I suppose, but I wouldn't really recommend the movie, particularly if you want something that will keep you on edge with fear. I began repacking my suitcase, then we went up to the buffet for our final lunch. I really made the most of my lunch, even though I was a bit disappointed with the selection (though they did have truffle oil mac and cheese, which was nice).

After lunch we had a bit of a rest in the cabin. As we'd been pretty busy the previous few days, and adjusting to our new surroundings on the first day at sea, I hadn't had the opportunity to take pictures. Since I had most of the afternoon free I decided to grab the camera and rush round the ship taking photos of everything. I like having photos of my holidays, they make the memories I have of holidays much more vivid and sometimes remind me of elements of my holiday that I may have forgotten. Before I set off on my photo snapping adventure I had some scones with cream and jam from the buffet, where they were serving afternoon tea, and admired the ocean. Then we set off to deck seven, moving from location to location around the ship, taking pictures of the amazing decor. Having finished our little 'photo shoot' we went back to cabin where we opened a bottle of prosecco that had been intended for the first day, though it still seemed fairly fitting for the last day. We had a nice chat in the stateroom as we enjoyed our bubbly.

When we'd finished out prosecco, we proceeded to get ready for our final restaurant dinner. I opted for a simple, comfortable outfit (the dress code was evening casual anyway), but spent a bit of time doing my make up (I really enjoy doing my make up). I also finished up my packing, and got my suitcase ready outside my cabin, where it would be collected by a staff member and taken to a room at the port, available for us to pick up when we disembark in Southampton. Today's menu was quite nice, especially as there was duck, one of my favourite meats, as a main course. The desserts, however, were a bit of a disappointment, though I still ordered some. We spent about half an hour resting in the cabin, before making our way to the theatre on deck 7 to watch the show. It was pretty awesome, as it had been the previous times, though I wasn't too keen on the music, which had an impact on my overall enjoyment of the show. This one had a British theme, which was fitting considering we were sailing back to Southampton on Britannia, and the Irish and Scottish dancing was a particular highlight. I have to say, the performers were both incredibly talented dancers and singers, and their talent really brought the shows to life. The special effects were also spectacular, the shows were far better than anything I'd seen before, and much, much more than you;d expect from a performance at sea. The final day at sea was concluded with whiskey and coke and chatting until the early hours of the morning, largely in some attempt to prolong the holiday for at least slightly longer (we could sleep all we wanted at home, but we only had a few hours on the ship).

Travel Diary: Day 6, Bergen

Today I decided to skip waking up ridiculously early to see the port as we entered and catch up on a bit of greatly needed sleep again. I did make sure to get some breakfast, though, as there were only a few days left and I wanted to make the most of it all. It's pretty good I did because I discovered that bacon and croissant compliment each other perfectly (though I'm certain that my stomach and my heart don't agree). As a result of taking it a bit slower we left a bit later, which was actually quite good as getting up and leaving early was getting pretty exhausting.

Bergen is nicknamed 'the rainy city,' and on that particular day it really lived up to its name. Grey clouds filled the sky, and the day was punctuated with spells of fairly heavy rain. In my opinion, this did lower the tone of the day, making it somewhat more tiring and unpleasant. We did what we mostly do when we explore a port- wander around aimlessly, with no particular plans of anything we specifically want to see or do (which is not something I like doing, but is something that I have to do.) Actually, we did plan to see a fish market, though we got were unable to find it, and the weather didn't particularly encourage us to persist with trying to find it. However, we did find a restaurant that served fish that was quite impressive, with tanks of live crabs and lobsters and large, dead fish that actually looked quite spectacular on display, ready for costumers to purchase and consume. It also looked pretty nice, and my nostrils weren't assaulted with the smell of dead fish. The rain spells convinced us that it was better to head back to the ship a bit earlier, otherwise we'd just end up huddling in front of shop doorways in an attempt to shelter ourselves from the wind and rain. I have to say, out of the four places I visited, this was the one that I enjoyed the least. The not-so-pleasant weather certainly contributed to this, but I also found that Bergen was less scenic than Andalsnes and Alesund, lacking the beautiful mountains and lakes, and it felt slightly less quaint than Stavanger. I still thought it was pretty, nevertheless. 

We intended ordering room service, but decided to check out the buffet anyway. Since we happened to be in the buffet area we decided we might as well get ourselves a little to eat. We returned to our cabins to shower and generally relax with a book and a drink. Somewhere in the mid afternoon I decided that I wanted afternoon tea as I only had two more left, and, having been reminded that it was a special one filled with chocolate treats, I dashed all the way up to deck 16 (well, 'dashed' is a bit inaccurate seeing as I took the lift, there were no stairs midship, which I would have taken if I could have). The selection was lavish, with a ridiculous amount of elaborate, decadent, delicious-looking cakes, cupcakes, doughnuts and desserts, I had to restrain myself in order to prevent myself from taking all the desserts. Since I'd come up alone I sneaked these treats back to enjoy in the comfort of my stateroom. We also decided to order the room service we'd discussed earlier- it's not everyday you have the opportunity to order free room service. However, only a few minutes after we'd ordered, the captain came of the speaker announcing that there were whales visible, so we naturally dashed up to one of the top decks to see them. I love spotting the likes of dolphins, whales and other sea creatures on cruises- they always look so amazing, it really makes my holiday. These were pilot whales, so they looked a little like dolphins as their black fins bobbed up and down amongst the waves. Satisfied that I had finally seen a sea creature in this trip I returned to the cabin. Our pizza arrived shortly after we did, and we devoured it, along with the chocolate treats I'd brought back. 

On the journey back to Southampton the water was pretty choppy, and this could certainly be felt in the ship. As a result of this I ended up feeling quite travel sick, and this combined with the fact that it was a formal evening (and I did not have the patience to make myself look nice), I wasn't keen on anything in the restaurant menu and they were serving Italian food in the buffet, meant that I really did not want to go down to the restaurant for dinner. However, bearing in mind the fact that I didn't have a lot of time left on the ship I forced myself out of bed and into my formal clothes, put a bit of make up on and ate in the restaurant, While we waited for our pager to go off I ordered a ginger ale, which helped largely with the nausea. I quite enjoyed my meal, even if it was a bit much for me and I struggled to finish it. By the time we'd finished at the restaurant my sea sickness had cleared up, so i felt able to go for a bit of a walk around the ship to soak up the atmosphere as it's pretty nice at night! As per usual, we finished up at the cabin (where else would we go?!) for our penultimate sleep on the ship. 

Travel Diary: Day 5, Andalsnes

Today we docked in Andalsnes, which is a phenomenally beautiful place and definitely my favourite stop on this cruise. As I'd slept late and woken up early the previous three days I'd decided to skip going up to the top deck and eating breakfast in order to be slightly less sleep deprived when we did our tour. I wolfed down a delicious muffin that had been brought for me from the breakfast buffet as I got ready, then we headed down to wait for a tender to take us a shore. For those of you who don't know, a tender is a little boat-like vessel that, in my opinion, somewhat resembles a lifeboat that are used when a ship is unable to dock in the port (you'd usually just walk off the ship when it's in port). They're a bit more of an inconvenience because taking one means waiting for one to arrive, fill up with passengers and transport them either to the port or back to the ship, and who wants to waste time waiting?! I also used to find them quite small, wet and unpleasant as I found they rocked quite a bit, though I'm used to them now and so don't dislike them quite as much. In fact, in this instance I quite enjoyed  taking the tender, actually, as it provided me with the perfect opportunity to drink in the view, which was great as the view was stunning.

After exiting the tender we boarded our coach almost immediately, ready to start the tour. The tour consisted of two stops, one at a church and the other at the Troll Wall. A large part of the tour, however, consisted of driving around, which I thoroughly enjoyed as the whole place was incredibly scenic and all the roads we drove down were surrounded by this great natural beauty. The coach journey was truly amazing (even if I did have an incredibly quick power nap in the coach to boost my energy and reduce my tiredness). I have to say, I was awestruck by the views, which I think I was incredibly fortunate to see. Smooth, tranquil lakes sparkled calmly, while tall mountains stood proudly and peacefully as waterfalls and glaciers graced their sides. Bright fluffy white clouds hung low, adding both an air of mystique and serenity. Even the miserable, overcast day couldn't silence their beauty.

The church was our first stop. We were given a talk about the history of the church whilst sitting on the pews inside. We were then given the opportunity to take pictures of the church and use the loos if we needed, before we boarded the coach in order to carry on with the journey. The church's surrounding area was so astonishingly beautiful, with the most breathtaking view- I wish I hadn't wasted time queuing to use the toilet as it resulted in me having less time to marvel at its beauty. We then carried on to the Troll Wall, a tall rock wall that stands gracefully and majestically. We were given about twenty minutes to get off the coach and admire the wall, take pictures and have a look round the area. Once our twenty minutes were up we returned to the coach, which took us back to the tender area so we could go back to the ship. On our way back, we had a photo stop at a beautiful location, which provided us with an excellent opportunity to get some amazing shots of the scenery. This was great as I hadn't had much of a chance to capture the serene lakes with the impressive mountains towering above, with the emerald trees lining them. It was a pretty quick tour in comparison to others that I've been on, but I was completely satisfied and thought that it was amazing value- it really allowed me to get a real sense of the place without dragging on or being overly tiring.

Since our tour started quite early and only lasted for a short period of time we were back on the ship pretty early. We enjoyed a drink in our stateroom until it was time to go up to the lunch buffet. When we'd finished lunch we watched the remainder of 'The Theory of Everything,' (which I actually read through since I'm not that big a movie fan and I was finding my book pretty interesting). Once the movie had ended we went up to the top deck to admire the beautiful landscape while we still could, as the ship was due to sail away fairly soon. Shortly before the sail away we had some drinks in the atrium (I had the strawberry and lime cider again, yum), then we watched the ship leave the port and waved goodbye to the breathtaking scenery. We decided to have a more relaxed dinner tonight as there wasn't anything particularly exciting in the restaurant and they were serving Indian food in the buffet. It was actually pretty great eating at the buffet as the food was delicious and, as many people also came to the buffet this evening, there was a bit of a buzz in the atmosphere. It felt cosier and more relaxed than the restaurant, and we got to see the remainder if the gorgeous scenery as we sailed away, which made for a fantastic dining experience. There was another show being performed in the theatre, this time with a fairytale theme. It was a great show, though I felt that it lacked the 'wow factor' of the previous one and, as a result, was less spectacular.
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